enthusiastic, enthusiasm

NOTE:  Last week my friend Darcey sent me this link to Nikki Waller’s article in the Wall Street Journal about exclamation points and, as my friend commented, “how much weight one little symbol holds.”  Here is a blog I wrote on that very subject four years ago.  I have since resumed using exclamation points–judiciously, of course–because I don’t want to seem grumpy.


On Facebook and Twitter, being enthusiastic seems to be very important. There’s no such thing as a comment like “That’s funny.” Instead, the responses are more on the order of “That’s funny!!! LOL!!!”

Here are some comments from my Facebook timeline today:

It’s genius!
Share to Agree!
You will LOVE!
Great pic!!!
Squirrel and cat play together!
Love!!!!! (no kidding—5 exclamation points)

I was taught that it is bad form to use exclamation points in writing. Either I am behind the times (entirely possible) or most users of Facebook and Twitter don’t give a fig about punctuation (also possible). The problem with all this over-punctuation is that while “Congratulations!!!” sounds as if you’re really excited for your Facebook friend, “Congratulations.” sounds forced and grudging, as if you really aren’t happy for the friend and may even be resentful.

A subcategory of Exclamation Enthusiasm is that babies are always “Cute!!!” “Adorable!!!” “So precious!” Let’s face it, not all of those babies look that great, especially when they’ve just been born. Photos of women friends also come in for lavish praise: “Beautiful!” “Lovely lady!” “Gorgeous!!!” I’m glad we all support each other by cheering our friends on, but again, sometimes photos don’t merit such enthusiastic responses.

What is to be done? Nothing. No matter how apt, I can’t see commenting, “Baby Olivia is going to be cute as a button in a few months,” or “You look pretty good for your age.”

But at least we can drop all those exclamation points!!!!!

NOTE: It has been a while since I’ve reminded readers to buy my novel, Kiss Me Over the Garden Gate. It is a very well received exploration of a fictional family’s journey through the ups and downs of living with Bipolar Disorder.
If you haven’t bought a copy, go to the link at the top right of this page. If you have read it and like it, urge a friend to buy it. And thank you. (I’d add an exclamation point but that would be hypocritical.)

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This past weekend my two sisters, my brother and I enjoyed a “siblings’ reunion”  at my brother’s house in the mountains of California. While the idea of a reunion is laughable because we see each other every week or two, it was unusual and interesting to spend three days and nights all together under the same roof.

The four of us

Liz, Chris, Alexis, Mark

Genetics is fascinating. I remember how surprised I was to see my newborn son sleep with one arm in the same weird position my husband finds comfortable. Still, I knew that physical traits, no matter how insignificant, are passed down through the generations.  What is more striking, though, is how similar our family is when it comes to behavior. Domestic habits are good examples. We all make our beds.  Every blessed day.  If I have somehow neglected to make my bed during daylight hours, I make it before I get into it at night.  We all seem to share (in different degrees, of course) a neatness gene.  My brother and I are countertop wipers. We did a lot of hanging around the kitchen and I noticed that all four of us value speed and efficiency over finesse. Our unspoken motto seems to be “Just get it done.”

7 of us in my car

Family Gang


Also included in the reunion: Bill, my spouse; sister-in-law Pam; brother-in-law Steve. And just to complicate family matters, Pam and Steve are cousins (but that’s another story).



If someone had told me when I was 15 that someday my siblings would be among my very best friends, I would not have believed it.  Now I can’t imagine what life would be like without them.


P.S. If you want to read about favorite literary families, has a list here.

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Airborne soccer ball

Go, Sparkle Cats!                                                                                                  

On Saturday I had the pleasure of watching our little granddaughter run around a soccer field in Alameda, California with her team, the Sparkle Cats.  Although they were outscored by the Lemon Drops (the opposing team), the Sparkle Cats have definitely improved their skills and understanding of the basics of the game.   They no longer hug each other on the field while the game is in progress, as they did in Year 1.  They don’t rearrange their pony tails while the ball is in play (that was Year 2). This year, they actually kick the ball towards the goal and even pass to each other (as a last resort).

Our family has a history with that particular soccer field.  We lived in Alameda from1987 to 1997 and it was on that same field that the Loma Prieta earthquake of October 17, 1989 was strong enough to cause our 8-year-old son and most of his soccer team to fall down while practicing for their upcoming game.  Sixty-three people died and 3,757 were injured in that temblor.  I will never forget walking to Alameda’s bay shore that night with my friend Morella and looking across the water towards where we should have seen the Bay Bridge with San Francisco behind it but instead there was only darkness.  In this place, at this time of year, the temperature, smell of the air and angle of the sun all bring back those memories.


Owl Butterly, Ecuador

On a different note, two of the most memorable images I have brought back from Ecuador are photos of this Owl Butterfly.  Held upside down by the young biologist, the butterfly looks like an owl— something potential predators would avoid.  Even more interesting, when turned on its side (as the butterly would be if resting on a limb or leaf), the left corners of the wings look quite a bit like snake heads.  Not bad, eh?

Owl Butterfly

Owl Butterfly

Have a good week!


Soccer ball photo by Slava Keyzman via Unsplash.

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In case you missed it, 2018 is “The Year of the Bird” and in celebration thereof, NatGeo (i.e., National Geographic) has inaugurated an avian tour in Ecuador.  Dorky as it may sound, my sister Liz and I like birdwatching, so we signed up for NatGeo’s expedition and spent ten days in Ecuadorian rain and cloud forests watching hundreds of that country’s 1,600 species of birds.  Here are a few photos from that trip.

Let me sleep, please.

Hey! Can’t anyone get a good sleep around here?

This bird is a Lyre-tailed Nightjar and, as you can see from his expression, he is not quite ready to wake up and start the day (or, in his case, the night).  This is exactly how I felt most mornings when we rose at 5:00 a.m. so we wouldn’t miss the morning bird activity.


Dawn on the Lagoon at Napo

Our dugout canoe at the Napo Wildlife Center, waiting for us to set out for the day.  Luckily, our guide, Marcelo, and his assistant, Fausto, did all the paddling.

Jungle foliage

The view of the jungle from our dugout canoe.

“Dense” doesn’t begin to describe the ecosystem of the rain forest.  This stretch is on a small stream off the Amazon River in the Yasuni National Park.  Hours after I took this photo we returned by canoe to this area just in time to see a jaguar resting in the bushes.

Liz in canoe

My sister Liz prior to the appearance of the jaguar.

A few days into the trip, we traveled to Antisana Ecological Reserve.  There is a volcano hidden in the clouds behind us.  Of the two or three specks (humans) in this vast landscape, I am the short one.

liz and Juan Carlos

Breakfast al fresco with our biologist/avian expert guide, Juan Carlos.

For more information about this wonderful trip, check out National Geographic’s description HERE.



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From the Archive:

Kale in its uncooked state.

Kale in its uncooked state.

Food Fads come and go. One that has lasted way too long, in my opinion, is kale.The omnipresence of kale reminds me of a scene from Forrest Gump in which Bubba lists the many ways shrimp can be prepared:

“Anyway, like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that’s about it.”

The same could be said about the many forms kale takes: braised kale, roasted kale, kale chips, kale soup, raw kale, kale frittata—and let’s not forget kale juice. Enough already!

Food fads can help us recall past decades. Who can forget the wine-and-cheese period of the 1970’s? Or the Cajun blackened redfish of the 80’s? (I can almost feel my hair springing into a giant perm.) In the 90’s I made several unsuccessful attempts at baking molten chocolate cake. Since 2010, we’ve seen cupcakes and macarons gain favor as desserts, and comfort food is popular now to, well, comfort us. Even that harkens back to food fads of the 1950’s: mac and cheese, dumplings, slow-cooked stews.

I have another candidate for food oblivion that will have to wait for another time: “gluten-free.” Don’t get me started. I’ll be satisfied for now if the next time I go to a restaurant, kale is not on the menu.

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Pensive monkey

Photo by Paolo Nicolello via Unsplash.

Monkey Mind is a Buddhist term for mental noise.  It’s what can happen when (if you’re lucky) you are having a massage and trying to enjoy the experience.  If you are like I am, focusing on a massage is difficult because there is so much swirling around my brain:  to-do lists, the sound of steps in the hall, the masseuse’s breathing, my itchy nose and–the granddaddy of them all–self-reproach for the inability to relax and enjoy the experience.

A couple of weeks ago I spent a morning meditating with my son and daughter-in-law and 20 of their fellow-Buddhists in a zendo in the Sierra foothills.  The meditation period was divided into four 30-minute segments with 10-minute breaks between each of the sessions.  If your idea of Buddhism is that it is an easy-going sort of practice, scotch that idea immediately.  The sessions are precisely timed, the meditation cushions are set out in a pattern around the room and there is a gong for every segment of the proceedings.

Clearing one’s Monkey Mind is difficult.  To make it easier, many meditators count their breaths.  One breath in, one breath out:  1-1, 2-2, 3-3—up to 10.  I use this system when I go to sleep at night and it works well.  But at the zendo there was so much noise in my fevered brain that I would get up to 23 or more before I reined my thoughts in and went back to one.  The brain noise felt literal:  a marching band of worries, physical discomfort from sitting still, self-recrimination for being unable to concentrate and repressed giggles at the various digestive noises in the room.  When the occasional period of clarity made an appearance, it was exciting (in a calm kind of way, of course).

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Lots of words

Photo by Jon Tyson courtesy of Unsplash

As readers of this blog know, buzzwords really get on my nerves.  Luckily, buzzwords fall out of favor after a year or so; unluckily, they are replaced by other annoying buzzwords.  Here is a sampling of current irritants:

If you are “woke,” you are aware and likely sympathetic regarding a current issue.  It is commonly used to describe a man who is a feminist.  Ex: “He is so woke!”

Here’s another irritating one.  As Brian Sullivan of CNBC points out, “Curating used to be a word we only used in museums. Somewhere in the last year ‘curate’ has morphed into a word people are using anytime they pick something and want to sound like it’s more than just picking something.”  As long ago as 2012, Scott Simon of NPR wrote, “How do I love thee? Let me curate the ways…”

Formerly applied to situations involving suitcases, to “unpack” has come to mean to examine in detail.  Ex: “We really need to unpack this concept before we pursue the idea further.”

There is a lot of talk about tribes on cable news.  It does not refer to Native Americans or residents of African countries. In its largest sense, it seems to refer to Democrats and Republicans.  If you “unpack” it further, it can include Tea Partiers, Bernie followers, Elites, Never Trumpers, blah blah blah.

Recently someone thanked me for “reaching out” to him.  I had either called him or sent an e-mail.  I had reached out as far as my phone or my keyboard.  I put “reach out” in the same category as “sharing” (i.e., conversing).

If you are one of my tribe, you are woke to the fact that I curate my weekly blogs so that when I reach out to my readers, I write in such a way that these little essays are easy to unpack.

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Llamas in Ecuador

Llamas in Cayambe, Ecuador by Adriana Leon

I took my first Spanish lesson in college 53 years ago.  This past month I have been reviewing advanced beginners’ Spanish in preparation for a trip to the Amazon, still struggling with the difference between llevar and llegar.  I am what you might generously call a “lifelong learner,”  though time might be running out on fluency.

I have taken night classes, online classes, internet classes, classes by CD—the whole enchilada. On long drives I used to enjoy Coffee Break Spanish with Mark Pentleton, a congenial Scotsman with a terrific Spanish accent and a command of several languages.  I have tried Duolingo (meh) and Babbel (pretty good).  The method I have used that works best for me is unfortunately the most annoying:the  Michel Thomas Method.  Touted as “The Language Teacher to the Stars,” Thomas uses a format that involves himself as the teacher and two students—one a fast learner and the other a real dummy.  I’m not quite sure why he chose that method unless it was to make listeners feel like they weren’t quite so stupid after all.  Also, it gives Michel more time to make the slow learner try repeatedly to get it right.  The funny part is that The Language Teacher to the Stars is easily and obviously exasperated with the hapless student.  Listening while I drove to Sacramento recently, I began to feel quite sorry for the hapless student and, conversely, resentful of the smug smartie.

What makes Michel Thomas’s method better than others I’ve tried is that he focuses on a few commonly used nouns, verbs and prepositions so that it’s possible to string them together in useful, comprehensible sentences, even if you know only 25 or 30 words of a given language.  [Once, after only a week of French with Michel, I was able to ask a sales clerk, “Avez vous des jeans plus grands?”]  I bet you can figure that one out.

This week, in preparation for life in the Amazon I am practicing Spanish for “Is that– snake, spider, llama–dangerous?”  (Es la serpiente, añana, llama peligrosa?)  Good luck (buena suerte) to me!

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Funerals and FUNERALS


Funeral candles.

There are funerals, and then there are FUNERALS.  This past week we watched two public ceremonies, both wonderful send-offs in different ways.

John McCain planned every detail of his three funeral ceremonies and he must have had a hell of a time doing so. Thursday his memorial service was held in McCain’s church in Tucson and the friends he asked to speak were a diverse group—multi-cultural, multi-racial, from different walks of life. They didn’t disappoint.  There were tales of his bad driving, salty language and even—from Joe Biden, no less—a story about McCain dancing on a tabletop and knocking back tequila shooters with Jill Biden.  This I find difficult to picture.  What surprised me the most, however, was the ease with which McCain’s friends talked about how much they loved him and how often he said “I love you” to them. There hasn’t been a lot of love in the national dialogue lately.

At Aretha Franklin’s services, the form was similar:  a row of older male friends in chairs behind the podium—Jesse Jackson, the Reverend Al Sharpton and former president Bill Clinton, among others—and speeches about the deceased.  Sharpton’s speech was feisty, just like Aretha.   Clinton’s eulogy was surprisingly short and ended with a heartfelt “I just loved her.”

The service in Detroit was different than the one in Tucson:  less formal with more comings and goings, more music and—my favorite part—people rising from their seats to rock along with the performers.  As with McCain’s ceremony, Aretha’s farewell was multi-racial and multi-cultural.  Eight hours after the funeral began, Stevie Wonder concluded with a plea to “Make Love Great Again” and set the place rocking with a beautiful rendition of “I’ll Be Loving You Always.”

I don’t know if  Franklin and McCain ever met, but if they did,  I am sure they loved each other.  Both of them went through challenging times.  Both their lives were inspiring because of their courage, independence and the high standards they set.  For several hours over three days, it seemed that it just might be possible to Make America Love Again.

RIP, Aretha and John.

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Here's to you, Mom!

Here’s to you, Mom!

NOTE:  In memory of John McCain, who died yesterday in the place he wanted to be, surrounded by his family.  (Originally published July 20, 2015).

The four best things a doctor can say to a patient facing a health crisis, real or imagined:

One: “This isn’t serious.”
Two: “We can fix this.”
Three: “You will get better.”
Four: “If I had a magic wand, what is it you would wish for today?”

The first three “good things” are simple sentences that can do as much to alleviate pain and anxiety as any medication. They give patients hope and confidence that they will receive the care they need. The fourth “good thing” refers to a different medical situation, but it, too, provides similar comfort. Dawn M. Gross, MD uses that sentence—“If I had a magic wand, what is it you would wish for today?”– to illustrate what doctors can say when caring for terminally ill patients. You can read the entire New York Times Opionator, “The Error in ‘There’s Nothing More We Can Do’” here.

In my experience, very few doctors are comfortable telling patients that there’s nothing more to be done. Instead, because they are dedicated to fixing what’s wrong, they are reluctant to “give up” and so recommend more treatments, medications or procedures that often ruin the quality of a patient’s last days. I certainly understand how difficult it must be for a doctor to tell a patient there is nothing more to do. What Dr. Gross, a hospice and palliative care physician, knows is that there is always more to be done and that patients know exactly what more they want, if only they are asked.

When my mother’s treatment for lung cancer stopped working in the Autumn of 2012, my siblings and I needed to convince her that we didn’t think she was a “quitter” because she wanted hospice care. Once she was reassured that she wasn’t letting any of us down, she had a few wishes: to see Barack Obama re-elected (check!); to be at home with her family(check!); not be hospitalized (check!) and to die before Thanksgiving so as not to “ruin the holidays” (check!). She was efficient, my mother. As difficult it was to lose her, she got what she wanted because she was able to answer Dr. Gross’s question: “What is it you wish for today?” She had one other wish. Though Mom never much cared for alcohol, in her last years we convinced her that Cosmopolitans tasted pretty darn good and she asked that after she died, we toast her memory with a Cosmo (check!). We miss you, Mom.

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