I have been researching gay marriage recently, as part of the work on my novel-in-progress. Specifically, I’ve been looking into situations in which a gay or bisexual man first married a woman, then decided to divorce and marry a man. A surprising (to me) number of people have been in or know couples in this situation. What strikes me is how different their experiences are and how varied their responses. I will be writing more about this in weeks to come.
Secrets—why and how we keep them—are fascinating. On many internet websites, married gay men discuss their lives. One of the most difficult aspects of being a closeted gay man, they write, is living with that enormous secret, one that is at the heart of what it is to be oneself. It’s hard enough to be genuine, to strip oneself of the flim flam that we use as protection. It can be a lifelong struggle to know and be who we truly are. Overlay that aspect of the human condition with the Big Lie, and true, honest connection is impossible.
AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Our little granddaughter has a five-year-old friend, a boy I’ll call Taylor, who goes to a progressive school in the San Francisco Bay Area, perhaps the most seriously politically correct place in the country. At Taylor’s school, the children are taught that there’s no such thing as a “bad” child, just a kid who made an “inappropriate choice.” Recently, Taylor’s parents overheard him playing outside with some of his five-year-old friends. The game involved lots of swashbuckling, sabre-wielding superheroes and villains. Taylor climbed up a rock, fake sword in hand and shouted, “I’m the Inappropriate Choice Guy!”